I have backslid so far I am contemplating whether or not I am ever going to be able to help myself.

The Numbers

It's a little disappointing and depressing when I look at how much debt I have compared to what I make. It's even more discouraging when I read success stories and see that there is little in common with my current situation. Is there anyone out there paying off huge amounts of debt (most of which is student loan debt) making little money each year? If so, point me in that direction so I won't feel so alone.

Here's my current situation:

Total amount of debt: $89,612.40 ($67,000 of that is student loan debt. Yikes!)

Total amount of income BEFORE taxes: $16,754 

Most of that money I will never see, and I also have to take into account that is from working 3 jobs at 60 hours a week. Seriously. All the "get a second job" advice is something I no longer want to hear.

In an effort to save money, and to start eating a bit healthier, I've been trying to make a lot more things from scratch rather than just buying it. Today I made these strawberry banana chocolate oat muffins from Ambitious Kitchen (link here) and they are absolutely amazing. I want to try every single recipe she has on her blog.

No one ever said this would be easy.

It's been about a month since I declared I was going to be not spending money. So far, that hasn't really been working out for me. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew I wasn't going to be able to quit cold turkey. So today, I handed over all of my cards to my mother to lock in her room so that it would be more of a challenge. I deleted all of my card information from the websites I shop from and am now declaring to only spend cash. Which will be easy to be frugal with because now I get it more often, and I can easily separate it into my different payments where I can actually see it. Virtual money (bank accounts, ect.) is a little bit harder for me to visualize where it is going. 

And although is doesn't sound ideal if my point is to be making money, I ended up quitting one of my four jobs. But honestly, it was the best decision I have ever made. I only worked one day a week, and I was scared to go to work. My boss was not a very nice person, and I would end up going home in tears after each shift. Some serving hours opened up at the other restaurant I work at, and I jumped on them and threw my former boss my notice. I'm so glad I don't have to play manager anymore, and i actually am making some tips that boost my take home pay to help pay off those credit cards.

I just gotta remember: two steps forward, one step back.

Goals.

I have a feeling if I don't "write" these down somewhere I will never accomplish them.

1. Take control of my finances. 
During college, I acquired $40,000 in student loans, $2,000 in credit cards, and bought a car. I have just been mindlessly  paying for these things without paying attention to interest rates, or actually seeing what amount of my payments where actually making a difference. I have to adjust based on the fact that employment in my field here in Oregon is low, and both my jobs have cut my hours down to nothing, but I am determined to at least eliminate one of my bills by the end of the year.

2. Organize.
I have to admit I'm a bit of a hoarder. I feel like there are certain things that make me this way though. I still live with my parents (free rent, yay!), but, being an adult, I feel the need to want to be independent and have my own things. The problem is, I have things from pre-college/college/post-college stuffed into my teeny tiny room, which is the only place I'm allowed to have my own things. To make things more challenging, my family will place items they no longer want and think I might when I finally move out, into my room and think I won't notice. What has happened is this stuff builds up, along with furniture that will not fit in my room as it is, which makes my room look like a hoarder house. I want to eliminate everything that hasn't been relevant to my life for at least two years, and finally get things that I need to be keeping track of organized.

Project One: Organize important documents. May I never lose another bill again.

Back in Business

Since my graduation over a year ago, I've been in a bit of a funk. I started the last term of school completely determined and excited for my future. I had just gotten out of a very long and messy relationship, my cat died, and I was finished with my senior project, so I felt as if nothing else could get in my way. 

Since then, I have found that things are not going to be as simple as I thought they would. With the threat of losing one of my two, minimum wage jobs, I have decided that nothing will happen unless I take the lead and do something myself. So, I dug out my trusty babylock which I haven't touched since school, and am embarking on starting my own line. And I couldn't be more terrified.

So stay tuned, for stories of my successes, my failures, and everything in between as I figure out how to get my life sorted out.